The Hungry Ghost begins to lose its power when met with compassion. – Tara Brach
I have seen the Hungry Ghost. It has knocked on my door, disheveled and distant, speaking in unintelligible tongues. I have felt the Hungry Ghost lurking in my heart, crouching there unwilling to be exiled or let go. Skinny neck, distended stomach, a gnarly creature who no matter how I tried to quench it, can never be filled up. As though the fuller the belly, all the more empty; as though the more one pours in, the bigger the hole.
A symbol of addiction in Buddhist teaching, of grasping and desire, the Hungry Ghost can never be satisfied; a symbol of moving away from our guiding star’s deepest purpose, the Hungry Ghost is shrouded instead in distraction and disassociation from real life. Substance abuse, status seeking, obsessive thoughts, anger, over-working – and on and on the list goes for the things that hook us and take us away from our centers – the thieves of the present moment, the shiny objects that pull us in and trick us into thinking we have satisfied our needs. This is the Hungry Ghost.
What need are we really seeking to meet when we over-indulge ourselves in these ways? What is the soul calling out for that we have somehow become deaf to? Consider asking yourself, “What am I really wanting?” It may be some sense of relief, connection, love, acceptance – some deep hole that needs filling. Beneath the surface of our harmful behaviors and routines exists authentic longing for something pure, whole and alive. Because, although we are human beings having this earthly experience, we are also spiritual beings naturally calling forth from our guiding stars with light and love. What does your guiding star long for beneath your human cravings?
You may be thinking you’re one of the lucky ones who has dodged this affliction. But to be human is to know the Hungry Ghost.
Some hooks are overt, obvious, look clear to the outside as harmful – abusing alcohol or drugs, eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum, physical self-harm. The more covert ones are equally as dangerous because they are socially acceptable and much more widely held as reasonable approaches to life. These lead us just as far into suffering and dissolution – living from a place of judgment, rushing constantly to get things done, perfectionism, meanness, power-driven ego, status climbing, etc. They too are the shiny objects that steal away our capacity to truly live in the present moment, who steal us away from the life that is happening right before us.
What do we miss while we are constantly seeking more, whether through self-harm and overt addiction or through constant distraction and obsession?
The greatest gift we can begin to give ourselves is to step into the shoes of our highest selves, put on the eyes and heart of a kind witness to the pain beneath the longing and explore it with love – the kind like that of our dearest elders, a great friend, someone who loves our entire spirit for all that it is. This is the lens through which we must gaze upon ourselves. This is the lens that will allow us to see through the Hungry Ghost, to the human spirit that longs to unite with its guiding star and purpose.
HOW YOU LIVE TODAY IS HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE
When we begin to realize that each day is a reflection of our totality here on earth, how might our behaviors, routines, and daily lives start to change? When we self-soothe with food, booze, sex, jam-packed schedules, whatever your vice might be, we are often moving towards a false relief, shortly lived pleasure, and away from the joy or fulfillment we are seeking beneath the surface. When we have unmet needs that we aren’t willing to wake up to, we seek these alternative gratifications, these false allies that gladly join up with us hip to hip and hand to hand.
Where can we learn to pause and recreate the moments that follow our biggest triggers so that we can lead the life that is actually meant for us?
It is said that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s community. The Buddhist tradition understood this. Members of the community would stand in and help the Hungry Ghosts who wondered among them as they healed. The afflicted weren’t viewed as pariahs or cast out to suffer alone. They were loved back to wholeness by those around them.
They were loved back to wholeness by those around them. Loved back to wholeness. Seen for more than what gripped them. That is the gift we owe ourselves, the key to shifting out of shame and blame.
The Hungry Ghost is like a mask that invades the spirit. Are you able to look on those in their moments of trance and see the loving soul that almost shines through, the person who is seeking for something just beyond their reach because they blindly reach in the wrong direction? Are you able to step into a place of deep compassion and kindness, acceptance and love, to see through the affliction to the truth?
MINDFULNESS + COMPASSION: LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVING YOU
In Latin the word “desire” can be traced back to “feeling away from our star”, the root of a great longing to be closer to that which is divine within us, that which is innately a part of us at birth in the form of values, needs, and abundant life. To be hooked by substitute gratifications is an act of seeking to meet our most honest soul needs. They serve, however, as life’s great distractions. We can see this more clearly when we slow down, take notice, and receive this information with acceptance firmly rooted in our hearts.
To begin to heal the Hungry Ghost we must first acknowledge the suffering, get inside of it. We must bring love as our greatest companion on this journey because only through love can we start to melt the Hungry Ghost. Only through acceptance, compassion and kindness may we step out from under the spell. Step into the highest space of self that you can call on and ask yourself, What is the message this shame place most needs so that I can move away from blame and step into love?
These answers often come in layers. If you can sit still with yourself long enough and continue to probe from a place of love you will find the message that helps shed light on the true suffering that’s hiding behind the grasping, the trance that takes you away from yourself. To remove the layer of blame and shame that we often carry with us is to begin to work through the deeper needs and peel back the real suffering.
When you reach for a drink, another helping of food, when you sit in judgment of another, or find yourself at the office once again later and later, what are you really wanting? What is the truest expression of your own personal star, the truth that guides you more brightly than any other? When we can find this message, we find the truth that sets us free. Only then can we begin to imagine what might trigger us. Only then can we imagine how, with this gained awareness, we now can pause and imagine an alternate action that might turn us back to our guiding star.
If you remember nothing else, hear this – Whatever we regularly practice is strengthened. What do you really wish to strengthen? Consider that without judgment, for only then can real change come about. Bring tenderness to yourself as your constant companion as you continue down this path of self-discovery and growth. Bring forgiveness, compassion, and love, for we are all fighting battles that are real, private, unique.
There is a grace in this healing journey, something much greater than our ego selves can comprehend, something so divine I think we are often afraid to stretch out our arms and welcome it in.
This isn’t light work. It is brave and sometimes scary, especially in the beginning – no matter how close or far you feel the presence of the Hungry Ghost. When we heal a part of ourselves we make room for something new. We create space for some new delight. What bright dream might you fill it with?
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“This is how a human being can change.
There is a worm
addicted to eating grape leaves.
Suddenly he wakes up.
Call it grace, whatever, something
wakes him, and he is no longer a worm.
He is the entire vineyard,
And the orchard too, the fruit, the trunks,
A growing wisdom and joy
that does not need to devour.”
– Rumi
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*Much of these teachings are from Tara Brach’s podcast “Healing Addiction: De-conditioning the Hungry Ghosts (2017)”. I recommend her Buddhist teachings and meditations for anyone on the path to greater self-awareness and self-love.
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